This post is going away a little from the RLC aspect of my normal posts, but is very much an adult post.  The story is from a friend of mine from RLC.  She sent it to me in a request for stories for the RAINN contest going on for the Month of April.  It is a survival story, and be aware, she was raped.  There are some details in here you may not want to read, it was a violent incident, that happened at a young age.  I have only done some minor editing, mostly formatting.  All of the words are hers.  Prepare yourself.

I was 14 and other than guy friends I didn't really date, I was more of the tomboy.   I played sports, raced gocarts, hunting, etc.  . Well I was on the volleyball team and we won the state championship for the first time in about 10 years so we were stoked and planned a big celebration party, or so I was led to believe.  A friend of mine was the one hosting the party, I had met her while playing volleyball ,we weren't tight but we got along pretty well so I agreed to go over early and help set up.   But when I got there there wasn't a lot of stuff at least not for 15 girls but I figured maybe some others were bringing stuff and I didn't say anything.  Well after about 2 hours I asked her why there was no one here yet, and she said it wasn't going to be a big party after all. Before I could ask what she meant I heard the door open and in walked 2 of the biggest guys I had ever seen. I knew 1 to be the varsity football player she had a crush on but I didn't know the other one with him and I noticed they had beer and alcohol.

Well even though my senses were going off like crazy I knew I didn't drink so I figured I could handle myself ok.   Well they drank pretty heavily and she was totaling enjoying the attention she was getting from her crush so I told the other guy I would play pool with him so he wouldn't think we were going to do the same thing.  Everything seemed to be going ok but I was very nervous still. I figured a couple of more hours and they would be gone.   Well it seems that wasn't to be my luck. Her mother was out of town and she had asked them to stay the night.   So I figured it was definitely time to get out of there but as I went to go the guy grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me backwards. Now I was all of 130lbs and he had to be over 225, so I felt like a rag doll for a moment but I tried to stay calm.

I knew I needed to keep my wits about me, as I heard him say he liked me a lot and wanted to show me how much.  . So I told I wasn't really interested and I was flattered but I wasn't into all that make out stuff.  .and he said he would make me like it and I flew across the back of the couch and landed on the seat.  I rolled off before he could get there but wasn't fast enough to keep him from grabbing my ankle and ripping my shirt.  .I was looking for anything to help me with and I grabbed the lamp and hit him with it.  I didn't even stop to see if he was out but I heard him hit the floor.   I made a dash for the door and started screaming for help, my friend and her guy came running in, and I thought I was going to be ok now but she told me not to be a prude and stopped me dead in my tracks.

By that time I realized this had been her plan the whole time I heard him coming up behind me so I swung at her jaw and tried to run past the two in front of me but her guy grabbed me and tossed me over his shoulder.  he took me back into the den kicking and screaming and tossed me on the couch, I reached up and clawed his face as hard as I could before I felt his fist hit my jaw.  I remember briefly coming to after what seemed like seconds but I couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't move.  I heard voices talking around me.  but I couldn't even move my fingers.   My body ached all over.   I heard her say, "What are you going to do with her now, I cant let my mom find her like this, look at her.   What did you do to her she is a mess?" and I heard him laugh and say, "Oh but when she wakes up she wont forget me that is for sure but you didn't tell me she was a virgin" and then I heard slapping of hands and a bunch of hell yeah's. and then I didn't hear anything else for another 7 days.

It seems my mom got worried when I didn't call her the next morning and she came looking for me and had me taken to the hospital. When I came to again I had over 200 stitches inside and out on my body, my jaw was wired shut, I had 4 broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and a broken cheekbone. I found out that when my mom found me I was barely breathing and my wrists were bound and a bottle had been showed in my privates, I was completely nude except for the blanket over me and my mom had to find me that way. I spent another week in the hospital watching different people parade in and out of my room out of my one good eye and I couldn't believe it was real. The police came and went, social workers and doctors and all trying to talk to me and all I could do was either write which hurt to move or blink.   Then I was allowed to go home but it was still another month before I was allowed to go back to school.

I went in that first day and could feel people staring and hear whispering.   I didn't do anything wrong but I felt so dirty so I called home and told my mom I couldn't do it so she came and got me.   I had a tutor the rest of the year and spent 3 days a week in a psychologist office listening to the questions but I couldn't answer, I didn't want to answer.   I was hurt, humiliated, angry, and I hated myself for letting it happen.   But then when I thought I was finally where I could deal with it, 8 months had passed and I had to go to court and sit there and tell my story over again. I seen the smug looks in all their eyes and I felt like I needed to go stand in a shower again and scrub my body.

The judge said it was my word against theirs.   Wham, I felt like I had been raped all over again, but part of me wasn't really surprised we were a small town and they prided themselves on our football team.  So they walked away without not even an hour of community service and I had opened the wound again that felt like they had just dumped salt into it and rubbed it hard.

I went back into recluse, I didn't know what to do and my shrink finally told my parents that until I opened up she didn't know what else to do.   I was angry and rightly so but I wouldn't start healing until I could move past it.  and then she said something that really shocked me, she said that I so hated myself that I would either turn into one of those girls that would sleep with any guy or I would fight with everyone that crosses my path and neither would end well.  Then she handed me a card with a phone number on it, I looked at it and seen it was a rape crisis line but I put it in my pocket and walked out.

I told myself I was going to get through it and no one could understand how I felt, the whole town had turned against me so I wasn't going to hide anymore.   But the doctor was right, I was angry and I did cross paths with the girl that helped do this to me and I beat her so badly that I was arrested but they let me go with a week of community service based on the previous incidents.   This cycle went on for 2 years, I didn't talk to anyone and had no friends but the guys I grew up with, they were my protection. 

I was sinking and I knew it and I remembered that card, I had to find it, so I went through my room and found in in a bottom drawer.   I called that number 6 times before I let it ring and then I was scared again. but Jackie came on the line and she said it was ok, she understood. and without asking me a single question she just started talking and after about half an hour I was crying and I realized someone did understand.   Here was a total stranger who just told me what happened to her and how she felt and I knew I wasn't alone anymore.   She talked to me for about an hour that night and several more times before I agreed to go to a meeting.  With each meeting I took another step to healing for the first time in 3 years.   I was feeling like me again and I knew that I really didn't do anything wrong and that I was a good person.  I then spent 5 years manning the local rape crisis line and trying to help others who felt like I did all those years earlier and letting them know that they still matter.

I was 40 when I ran into that guy again in a convenience store and when I looked up and had seen him staring at me I almost seen a touch of fear in his eyes.   Then I realized he didn't control me anymore, I just smiled and walked right past him out the door.   although I didn't breath comfortably until I was in my car again, I knew I was ok.

That is her survival story.  It touched me.  I can only hope that someone out there who needs help, reads this, and sees there is help out there.  I know that RAINN (click here for the site) is one place to start for help.  Their toll free hotline is: 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)  If you know of any others, please, leave them in the comments.